Session 1
Teaching Children to Listen and Follow Instructions

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“What are some things about working with your kids that make you angry?” Among the many answers, we receive the following:

•	My kids don’t do what I ask.
•	They do a job part way.
•	They don’t listen.
•	I have to nag to get anything done.

Do these things and you will see great improvement in cooperation. This Instruction Routine will give you specific skills to work on in family life. If your children aren’t cooperating, this is where you need to start. 

This plan works for all kinds of children. 
It’s excellent for children with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder), children who have auditory or visual processing problems, as well as children who are emotionally explosive or defiant. Because of its balance of clarity, affirmation, firmness, and teamwork, this Instruction Routine has broad application and works with kids from 2 years old to 18 years of age. 

Here are some definitions of Cooperation:

Cooperation—a willingness to work together to accomplish a task.

Cooperation—responding to parental instruction with a good attitude.

Cooperation—giving up your agenda for the needs of others.

If these are the things you’re looking for then this Instruction Routine will show you how to build them.

The Value of Instructions

Before we give you the practical steps, we want you to understand why an Instruction Routine is so important. Understanding the reasons why will motivate you to move forward even when you feel tired or unmotivated.

Keep in mind that you aren’t teaching your children to follow instructions simply to get the clothes picked up or the trash taken out. You are building character in your children through the everyday tasks of life.

Read each of the following verses. Why are instructions important?

1 Samuel 15:11 “ ‘I am grieved that I have made Saul king, because he has turned away from me and has not carried out my instructions.’ Samuel was troubled, and he cried out to the Lord all that night.” 

Proverbs 19:16 “He who obeys instructions guards his life, but he who is contemptuous of his ways will die.” 

Proverbs 4:1-7 “Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction; pay attention and gain understanding. I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching. When I was a boy in my father’s house, still tender, and an only child of my mother, he taught me and said, ’Lay hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands and you will live. Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or swerve from them. Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you. Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom.’ ”

Introduction

To increase cooperation, both you and your child must make changes. In fact, a good Instruction Routine contains five steps for the parent that correspond to five steps for the child.

Each step represents a skill that children need to learn.

Lack of cooperation is a common problem many families face. The process of giving and following instructions can get derailed in several key areas. These areas have become the important points of growth for parents and children from which comes a five-step routine for giving instructions.

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Step 1 for the Parent: Get Close to Your Child

Getting close is the beginning of a good Instruction Routine. No longer will you shout instructions from across the parking lot or yell throughout the house. Now you’ll get close to your child because physical closeness raises the felt value of instructions. 

Getting close also involves breaking the child’s concentration from what he or she is doing.

With young children you may want to hold their hands. Be sure to look into your child’s eyes. Although it may take time for your children to learn this new routine, your persistence will develop an expectation that even in the day-to-day interactions of family life we treat each other with enough value to get close together before dialogue.

After all, when the boss yells an instruction across the office, it’s not perceived as valuable as if the boss takes a little extra time to come into the employee’s cubicle and talks face to face. Adding this one step to the instruction process often achieves greater cooperation from children.

The goal of Step 1 is to use physical closeness to raise the felt value of instructions. Some children demonstrate little or no value for instructions. They wander off, forget to do the task, or just ignore Mom or Dad. Just adding this one step to your Instruction Routine can do a lot to increase cooperation between you and your child.

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Now the child is connecting with you and ready to hear what you have to say. When you get physically close, and have your child look at you directly, you are setting the stage for cooperation. You may want to begin by saying, “Tara, I need to talk to you.” Or, “Danny, listen to me for a minute.”

One mom said, “I like to stoop down on my child’s level. I sit in a chair or squat down so my son and I can look straight at each other. I like the statement this makes about our relationship.”

Another parent said, “I’ll go up to my teenager and put my hand on his shoulder as a way of making contact with him before I give him an instruction.”

These parents recognize the importance of this step in the instruction process and, as a result, receive more cooperation from their kids.

Step 1 for the Child: Learn to Come When Called

Sometimes in Step 1 the parent moves close to the child, but many times the child must come to the parent. You won’t get too far in the instruction process if you call your child and he runs the other way. 

With young children, it’s often helpful to teach new skills in fun ways. With young children you might even make it a game. Take this example of 3 year old Billy.

“Billy, I’d like you to stand by that chair and when I call your name, I want you to come over here and say, ’What Mom?’ Are you ready? Okay, ‘Billy.’ ” When Billy comes running over you want to give him a big hug and say, “That was great. You’re learning how to obey. You are growing up. Let’s play that game again.” This time when he stands by the chair, have a little more fun, “Karen, Sue, Jack, Joe, what was your name? Oh yeah, Billy.” Billy will then giggle and come running. Use a lot of encouragement and praise to teach Billy to come first within a few feet and then ask “What Mom?”

Continue to practice this skill in fun ways, but then increase the difficulty by calling him when he is busy playing. When he forgets, remind him of the rule and practice again. Over time Billy will learn to come when called.

With older children we wouldn’t recommend playing the Come When You’re Called Rule Game. But we would recommend that you sit down with your teen and say something like this: “I realize that we’ve been doing a lot of yelling across the house to each other. I’d like to change that because it’s not an honoring way to interact. Sometimes I’m going to go find you and other times I’m going to call you and I want you to come find me. It’s a better way for us to interact.

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Children need to learn to come when called. It’s part of a good Instruction Routine. In fact, coming when called is actually a “preschool survival skill.” But the skill of coming when called isn’t just for young children. Even older children need to learn to come when called.

Some parents have a certain tone of voice when calling a child that indicates they are about to give an instruction. The way they say “Billy” is different when giving an instruction than when calling for a snack. When teaching children to come when called it is best to remove those indicators and always call the child the same way. Whether it’s for a hug, or a snack, or an instruction, the responsiveness of the child needs to be the same.

Older children also need to learn to come when called, but you can’t practice the skill with teenagers the same way you do with preschoolers. Have a discussion that explains the changes you want to make. You might say, “Molly, I’ve noticed that we do a lot of yelling across the house. You’re getting older now and I want us to show that we value each other by getting close before we dialogue, so sometimes I’m going to come to you and other times I’ll call you and expect that you will come to me.” Begin the new routine by explaining it and then sticking to it. Refuse to dialogue with your children until you’re close together.

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A mom said, “Sometimes I wake my teenage son up in the morning by gently rubbing his back. As I’m sitting there on the side of his bed I look around the room and make a mental to-do list of all the things that he needs to clean up. It seems more caring though to wait until a more appropriate time to start giving instructions.”

It’s important, for example, how you greet your daughter when she comes in from school in the afternoon. “You forgot to make your bed this morning. You need to go do it now,” is insensitive. Greetings are important. You may, instead, allow your daughter to get settled, ask about her day, and then talk about the unmade bed. It’s another way of fostering relationship in the midst of the process of giving instructions.

In this step you’re asking the question, “Is this the best time to give an instruction?”

Many parents receive resistance from their children because they don’t consider the timing of their instructions. A little sensitivity here can foster greater cooperation and head off a larger problem later on.

Before you give instructions, take a moment and ask yourself, “Is now the best time to give this instruction?” After consideration, you may see that your daughter is upset about something. Maybe giving an instruction at this moment would be insensitive. Your daughter needs some care and empathy before you give her something to do. Parents can value their children and their relationships by evaluating the timing before they speak.

Considering the timing helps set the stage for the instruction and communicates, “You’re more important to me than this job that needs to be done.”

This step communicates value to kids and adds relationship to the instruction process.

Many parents engage in what we call reactive parenting. They just see something they don’t like and start yelling about it.

One dad said, “I realized that I typically yell instructions whenever I see a problem. For example, I came into the kitchen and saw the trash overflowing. It’s Jimmy’s job to take it out so I just yelled, ’Jimmy!’ Had I considered the timing, I would have discovered that Jimmy was working on his math homework. I’ve been trying to get him to do that homework for a while. I should have waited and given the instruction after he was done.”

Once we’re close we can see what’s going on in our child’s world and evaluate the situation. More relationship or more responsiveness? Which is needed?

A good definition of “bossiness” is giving instructions without relationship.

Giving instructions without considering the timing can damage your relationship with your child. Take time to see what’s going on before you launch into your agenda. 

Considering the timing doesn’t mean parents always postpone the instruction, but it does mean that they take note of the situation and decide if this is the best time to interrupt the child.

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Step 2 for the Parent: Consider the Timing

Please don’t think that Step 2 means that you always allow the child to determine when you give instructions. This is not the case. Some children give the impression that “there’s never a good time to give me an instruction.”

Children must be ready to receive instructions at all times. This idea is foreign to the minds of many children. They don’t recognize the value of instructions. It’s interesting that twelve times in the book of Proverbs Solomon talks about the importance of listening to instructions. 

This isn’t just a step for little kids. Teenagers who are entering the work force would benefit from learning these skills. Imagine you’re 16 and working at a grocery store and you’re down at the end of the aisle putting boxes on the shelf. The boss comes to the other end of the aisle and calls your name. Start walking toward the boss. That’s coming when called. Say “Yes?” because that shows that you are ready to receive an instruction. Don’t just keep putting boxes on the shelf and turn to the boss and say, “Wait until I’m done,” like you do with me sometimes when you’re playing with your computer game.

In 1 Samuel 3, young Samuel lived in the home of Eli the priest. One night when Samuel was sleeping he was awakened by a voice that said, “Samuel, Samuel.” Immediately, Samuel went into the place where Eli was sleeping and he said, “Here I am.” Samuel didn’t yell from the other room, “Whadaya want?” He knew how to come when called. 

Eli told Samuel to go back and lie down. Two more times Samuel heard the voice and both times he ran in to Eli and said, “Here I am.” Eli said, “Samuel, the next time you hear the voice, say ‘Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.’ ” So Samuel went back and lay down again.

This time when the voice spoke, Samuel answered “Speak Lord for your servant is listening.” And in that moment God began to speak to a young boy. 

Parents, you have an important responsibility in the instruction process. You aren’t just giving instructions so that your kids help out around the house. You’re training your children to receive instructions from the Lord someday. And not just someday, but God loves to speak to boys and girls now. He speaks in their hearts, through their consciences, and he speaks to children through their parents.

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Children learn something in the instruction process that’s very important. They learn how to give up their own agenda and how to think about others instead of themselves. 

As you consider the timing, for example, you may discover that your child is involved in a computer game. You know that whenever you give instructions while he’s on the computer, you get resistance. This may be just the practice he needs. Whether you grant his appeal to get to the next level first depends on his ability to follow instructions. If he usually follows directions right away, you may choose to allow him to finish his game. If, however, he rarely gives up his own agenda, this may be an excellent place to teach a new skill.

In fact, you might say, “The privilege of playing on the computer is earned by your ability to leave it with a good attitude. If you’re not ready for interruptions, then you must not be ready for computer games.”

Imagine that you’re an employer and you go to a worker with a task to do. He looks up at you and says, “I’m busy right now. Come back later.” That employee isn’t going to get very far in the work world. Building responsiveness starts right here. Children must be ready to receive an instruction at all times. It’s part of their job.

Step 2 for the Child: Always be Ready to Receive an Instruction

Isn’t it interesting that here we are at Step 3 before we’ve even given the instruction? Many parents think that giving instructions simply means that they utter commands to their children. The Instruction Routine is a bit more involved than that. The first two steps pave the way for a healthy sense of cooperation with your kids because those steps focus on relationship not just on the task.

But even the way you state the instruction is important. In this step it’s important to clarify for children if this is a suggestion or opinion or is it an instruction. 

For example, if you say, “It’s getting late. You should probably go to bed,” isn’t an instruction. It’s a suggestion.

“I think you should do your homework now,” sounds more like an opinion than a directive.

Sharing opinions, suggestions, and ideas is important in family life but your children need to know the difference.

When you give instructions use a calm, matter-of-fact tone of voice. Give your child clear cues that this is an instruction. In some families the cue is loudness or intensity. When parents get angry, kids get moving. But anger wears on the relationships in a family and people get hurt.

Replace anger with more constructive cues. Parents can start with the child’s name, end with the word “now,” and put the words “you need to” somewhere in the sentence. “Jack, you need to get your shoes on now.” Stating instructions in this way communicates clearly to kids that this is an instruction, not just a suggestion.

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For example, if you say, “Mary, you may need your coat today,” is that an instruction or a suggestion? It’s not very clear. Sometimes parents give instructions in the form of suggestions or opinions, complicating the signals children receive. “It’s getting late. You should probably go to bed,” isn’t an instruction. It’s a suggestion.

One day a pastor from a local church called us for help with a family. “We’re not sure what to do. The four-year-old runs around the church and the parents don’t take responsibility for him. They need some parenting advice.” We agreed to meet with this family and see what we could do to help them.

When the family arrived, we met with the parents alone and explained this five-step Instruction Routine. Then we brought the child in and we modeled it for them. We played the Come When You’re Called Game and we gave instructions. The little boy responded well to us. The parents watched and understood. They were ready to put this new routine into practice at home.

The next week they returned and we asked, “How did it go?” 

“It doesn’t work,” Mom replied.

We asked the parents to show us what they did with their little boy. “Chris, can you bring that trash can over here?” Mom began.

We stopped the process right there. “It doesn’t sound like you’re giving instructions to me. I know you’re trying to show honor to your son and that’s a good thing, but you’re confusing the instruction process.” We taught these parents to give instructions clearly and they began to see some significant changes in their son’s responsiveness.

Step 3 for the Parent: Give the Instruction

After you give an instruction to a child, it’s important for the child to acknowledge it. We encourage parents to teach their children to say, “Okay, Mom,” or “Okay, Dad.” This response tells you three things.

First, it tells you that your child heard what you said. How many times have you given an instruction and when you come back later you find your child playing. “What are you doing? I told you to clean up these toys!” you say with frustration. And your child looks up and responds, “I didn’t hear you.” A response back eliminates that common excuse because the child is acknowledging the instruction. 

The second thing the response says is that the child intends to follow through. It’s like a verbal contract that you and your child have agreed to.

Thirdly, the response gives you an indication of your child’s attitude. If the child says, “Okaaaay Moooom!” then you know you have another problem. It’s a heart issue that you need to address. An attitude is a window into your child’s heart. Children need to learn how to receive instructions with a good attitude. It’s here in the instruction process you get an indicator of the heart response.

You may have to stop the instruction process and have a child just sit down and take a break. “Ok, don’t take out the trash right now. Sit down in the hall right there and settle down, and when you’re ready to do it with a good attitude come and see me and we’ll continue.”

Giving an answer is a skill that children need to learn. This response is helpful in family life and it’s also good preparation for the future.

Employers like it when employees respond to instructions before they go and do the work. If the employee just walks off, the employer doesn’t know what to think. “Did she hear me? Is she going to do it? Is she mad at me?” An answer just confirms the process and communicates that we’re all on track. It’s an honoring way to interact.

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You’re teaching your children now how to respond so that they’ll make excellent employees someday. Or if they are managers themselves, they’ll know what to expect and how to train employees for efficiency and cooperation. Answering back is part of a good Instruction Routine and helps children develop responsibility.

Attitude problems are an indication of heart problems. If the behavior is going well but the heart is getting worse then you’re in for a crisis. You can head that off here by addressing bad attitudes.

Some parents excuse bad attitudes by saying, “At least he’s doing what I asked.” Or, “he’s tired,” or “he’s a teenager.” Be careful that you don’t excuse bad attitudes and end up with serious heart problems.

In essence we sometimes have to say to kids, “All life stops for you until you’re ready to demonstrate some cooperation.”

Step 3 for the Child: The Child Answers

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Some parents say, “I tell my kids to do things but they don’t do them.” Many of those parents don’t realize there’s a second page to the Instruction Routine.

Of course, part of the definition of “parent” includes the reality that you’re multi-tasking throughout the day. You don’t have the luxury of standing around and waiting for a child to complete a task. But it’s your job to communicate to your child that you haven’t forgotten and you expect the task to get done.

If your friend asked you to mail a package, you’d feel an obligation to get it done. You would feel the pressure of responsibility to complete the job. You’d feel uncomfortable until you got the package to the post office. Many children don’t feel that uncomfortable feeling and it needs to be developed. You have the task of helping your children develop responsibility. It’s best if that feeling doesn’t come from yelling and harshness. Instead, coach your child to move forward to complete a task, do the right thing, and be thorough.

You may give an assignment to your daughter that she forgets before leaving the room. Or your son is distracted on the way to get his shoes, playing with a toy or watching the TV that’s on in the living room. Your job in this step is to communicate to your son or daughter that you’re waiting, and that he or she is not free until the job is completed. “It’s been two minutes and I don’t hear the shower.” Or, “Remember, Son, I’m waiting here for you to bring me that laundry.”

After you give the instruction it’s your job to wait while the child does what you’ve asked. This is a very important step when it comes to developing responsibility in kids.

In this step you’re placing a weight of responsibility on the shoulders of your child. Responsibility means that you can accomplish a task without reminders. It means that you have the job on your mental to-do list until you do it. You feel a little uncomfortable until you complete the task. That uncomfortable feeling is what we, as adults, call responsibility. 

When your son gets a book report that’s due in a couple of weeks, who feels uncomfortable? You, right? Kids don’t often feel uncomfortable because they haven’t developed responsibility yet. We teach it to kids in this step of the instruction routine.

So, parents are actively waiting in this step by staying on their kids until the job is completed.

“Jack, I asked you to go work on your homework. You need to get going.” “Karen, I feel like you’re not obeying me about the shower. I don’t hear the water running.”

Some children have a natural sense in this area, but many children have no idea what responsibility is all about. They don’t feel uncomfortable with an incomplete job. 

Sometimes “waiting” means that you actually stand in the hall and watch the task get done. You may have to offer little reminders. By communicating that you’re waiting you give your child the gift of responsibility. Your children learn that when Mom and Dad give assignments they expect them to get done before anything else happens.

Sometimes this means prodding. Other times it just means you haven’t forgotten. You’re not waiting until they do the job. You’re waiting while they’re completing the job.

What’s the difference between this and nagging? Nagging has an edge to it. Irritation, annoyance, and anger are obvious in the statements. The attitude we encourage you to have is one of coaching. “You need to go do what I asked. You need to get moving. Etc.”

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Step 4 for the Parent: Wait Expectantly 
Step 4 for the Child: Do the Job as if on a Mission

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Work hard to teach responsibility to children. You may even post some of these definitions around the house so that children get an idea of what responsibility looks like:

Responsibility is completing a job without being reminded.

Responsibility reports back when the job is done.

Responsibility is the ability to stick to a job without having someone prodding you.

Responsibility abides by family values even when no one is watching.

Responsibility considers the intent of the request and does a thorough job.

Some children have what we call ADD or ADHD. These letters stand for Attention Deficit Disorder or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. These children have some trouble focusing and staying on a task. It’s interesting that when these kids are watching TV, it’s hard to get them away. At those moments they have Attention Surplus Disorder. What we’re trying to do is transfer some of that energy into the instruction process to teach children to stay on track.

By the way, this five step process was developed as a result of working with children who have ADD, ADHD, Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD) and other challenges. By breaking the process of giving and receiving instructions down into pieces these children have an easier time accomplishing the task. 

If you were to tell one of these kids to go and clean the room they wouldn’t know where to start or would give up before they get done. But if you were to break the task of cleaning the room into steps and say, “Go in and pick up all the clothes and put them on the bed and then come back and see me,” they’d likely be able to do just that.

The Instruction Routine breaks up the relational dynamic between parent and child into smaller parts so that kids know where they are in the process and can be more successful at following instructions.

While you wait, the child completes the task. He needs to do what he was told to do. We have a word that describes the child who learns to complete assignments: responsible. It’s an important quality for maturity. Some children demonstrate responsibility early in life while others lack it well into their teens.

When you ask kids, “What’s a mission?” what do they say? Kids suggest that a mission is a special assignment. That’s true. When Mom or Dad gives instructions to kids they need to be viewed as a special assignment until they are completed.

When you’re on a mission, you’re not distracted by the TV, or by the computer, or by the butterfly flying by. You focus on that mission until it’s completed.

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Step 5 for the Child: Report Back
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After your child does the job, the next thing is to report back and tell you that it’s done. 

Reporting back communicates to a parent, “I know this job is important and I want you to know that I got it done.” When children learn to report back they are demonstrating another dimension of responsibility.

I might say to my 14-year-old son, “I’d like you to clean up the kitchen.” Then a little while later I come back and find that he’s watching a video. I say, “Why are you watching a video? I asked you to clean up the kitchen.” His response? “I did it already Dad.”

My response? “No, the job isn’t done until you report back.” What we’re trying to do is get children to see that the job isn’t complete until they report back.

In this last step the child’s part comes first.

After your child does the job, the next thing is to report back and tell you that it’s done. That’s what the parent is waiting for in step #4.

Employers like it when employees report back. Managers often have their own to-do lists and wonder if the assigned jobs actually got done. A good employee will report that the job was finished just to complete the cycle and bring a sense of resolution in the mind of the manager as well.

Reporting back teaches children about accountability. It says that we’re working as a team here and this assignment is important to both of us. It demonstrates value for the parent who gave the job. You might even say, “The job isn’t done until you report back.”

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Step 5 for the Parent: Inspect and Release
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One mom told us that she told her seven year old that he was free to go. He looked up at her and said, “What did you say?”

You see, he had never heard that before. So Mom explained that she was going to give instructions, inspect the work and then tell him that he was free to go. 

He said, “Give me another instruction so that I can hear that again.”

“Now,” she says, “whenever I tell him he’s free to go he does this football dance.” 

“Yeah, I’m free to go!” Kids love this and they need it from us.

When the child reports back, the parent’s job is to inspect and release. Inspecting gives you the opportunity to do some teaching about thoroughness. 

Maybe you gave your child a job to clean up the kitchen. When you inspect you may discover that your definition of “clean the kitchen” is a little different than his. This gives you the opportunity to clarify what you expect—that he wipe off the counters and clean out the sink. That’s part of the job.

After you inspect and the child completes the job, then it’s time to release.

This release is a gift you give to your child. It offers the same feeling you have on Friday afternoon when work is done for the week, “Yippee! I’m free. I don’t have to worry about anything. I can enjoy my weekend.” Your children need the same freedom several times a day. A clear conscience is a beautiful thing. One of the ways to obtain it is to complete the jobs given to you and then be released.

Some children don’t report back. In fact, they don’t even do the job. Then they feel guilty that the job isn’t done. They don’t want to see Dad because they know that there’s unfinished business. By forcing a child through to the end, you contribute to the freedom of a clear conscience.

The weight of responsibility you placed on your child’s shoulders in Step Four, you take off in this step.

In some families the reward for reporting back is that you get another job. “Good, you finished that one. Here’s another one.” That’s disappointing for any child. It’s no wonder children don’t want to report back. It’s true that sometimes you must give a series of instructions to get the house clean or the homework done, but make that clear in advance so that the child isn’t surprised by another job.

The release is the reward for being responsible. It’s the positive ending to the instruction process that can motivate a child to persevere. As children learn this routine, they learn to look forward to the sense of freedom that comes with being responsible.

Jesus wanted to teach his disciples about responsibility so in Matthew 25 he told the story of the landowner who gave talents to three stewards. Then he went away for a while, promising to come back. 

Parents do a similar thing when they give an assignment to clean the room or finish homework, promising to return to check on the work. 

When the landowner returned he found that two of the three stewards did a good job. Jesus uses the word “faithful” to describe them. That’s the same thing we’re talking about with the word “responsible.” 

Notice the landowner’s response. “Well done, good and faithful servant!” We don’t recommend that you use those words with your kids, but the idea is the same. “Congratulations. You’ve done a good job.” Children need to hear that release and praise from their parents on a regular basis.

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Concluding Comments
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You may choose to start this process slowly, adding a step here and there, based on the problems you identify in your interaction. Some families choose to change everything at once, even posting the Instruction Routine on the refrigerator as a guide. Whatever you choose, the time you spend adjusting the way you give instructions and the way your children respond to them will dramatically improve your relationship, make family life work more efficiently, and teach children valuable lessons for their future.

Please don’t assume, however, that the process will be easy. Some parents have a hard time making the changes needed, and children may resist. Don’t let that deter you. New healthy patterns take time to develop. Persevere and you will see changes take place over time. It’s worth the work.

Some children have a hard time with cooperation and responsibility. Those kids often need a boot camp in the Instruction Routine. You may need to practice by saying, “We’re having some trouble with an attitude or completing a job well so we’re going to practice more. I have several instructions I’m going to give you this afternoon and I want to see some improvement in this area.”

Keep in mind though, that the 5 steps give you five opportunities to affirm your child. If you have kids who are having a hard time with this you may need to spend some significant time praising them for the individual steps you see done well and encouraging the steps that aren’t done well. It takes practice, but it’s the regular work we do with our kids in this area that builds the character they’ll need for life.

How do you implement this? You may want to just add one piece, or one piece at a time, practicing sub-routines until they can put it all together. Others though have to take the whole routine and try to start all over.

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